Are You a Dulcimer Redneck?

You might be a dulcimer redneck if . . .

.....you have a tattoo that says, "Born to play DAA".

.....you decorate your dulcimer at Christmas time.

.....your idea of the ideal honeymoon is going to a dulcimer festival.

.....your dulcimer rides in the front of the truck and your wife rides in the back of the truck.

.....your wife owns a camouflage dulcimer case.

.....your garbage man is confused about which dulcimers go and which dulcimers stay.

.....you have no idea how many dulcimers you have.

.....your idea of "girls night out" is going to a Schnaufer/Siefert workshop with your friends.

.....there is a dulcimer hanging in the outhouse.

.....you go selling all your harps and buy dulcimers instead.

......your dog can sing "Old Joe Clark" recognizably.

......you sleep with more than one dulcimer.

......you insist on playing your dulcimer during a eulogy.

......your dulcimer costs more than your truck.

......there are tobacco stains down the sides of your dulcimer.

......you change your strings more often than your t-shirt.

......your truck horn plays the A part of "Mississippi Sawyer."

......you have Mason jars filled with dulcimer picks.

......your neighbor complains about the weeds in your yard growing up around stringless old dulcimers sitting on concrete blocks.

......your capo is made from a recycled Bud Lite can.

......you think safe sex is when the participants play a courting dulcimer.

......your front porch collapses under the weight of so many dulcimer players gathered for the weekly Friday night jam.

......your front porch is held up by old dulcimer cases.

......you skip your mother's funeral because it's the same time as Kentucky Music Week.

......you have a dulcimer rack in the back window of your truck.

......Mail Pouch is painted on the back side of your dulcimer.

......you spent your child support on a new McSpadden.

......you lost your favorite dulcimer in a poker game.

......Junior's first word is "DAdd."

......you don't know the alphabet past G.

......your family portrait is of all the dulcimers you own.

......when Junior counts to ten, 6 1/2 comes before 7.

......you don't make it to work because your dulcimer has a broken string.

......you carry your picks in an empty "Skoal" tin.

......Junior asks you to play with him and you reply, "What key?"